first of all i love you, and i’m writing this to you. for i know everything i said will be crashed by your words, will be stabbed by your look, and you’d say my words sound neking to you before i finished my points. this is all by my point of view, biidznillah and i take the responsibilities for my words. bismillah.. with an open heart i hope you read this.

i’ve learned that students studying abroad have only two choice; one you’ll become better (in the faith and deeds) alhamdulillah, or two you’ll follow the crowd there (follow their lifestyle lah).. i heard that statement and i looked around. and kept quiet. recently, due to the media exposure about the genius girl in united kingdom, i poured what i’ve learned, and again, i got the advice; jadilah biasa-biasa saja.

jadi biasa-biasa?

then what changes you’ve made in life? after two years (or more) of living away, and you return being the biasa-biasa person? owh, what a plain-dull-boring life you’ve endured two years ago. we shout “people change” but yet we wanna be biasa2 saja? i got your point. i heard that since 2003, when you said jadi biasa-biasa saja kat sekolah. jangan jadi budak baik alim sangat nanti bila keluar sekolah rebellious and jangan jadi budak tak baik yang tuang kelas pakai tudung singkat semua tu. it has been 9 years dear….

until one day, during winter trip. i stumbled upon this:

“Hai orang-orang yang beriman, masuklah kamu kedalam Islam secara keseluruhan, dan janganlah kamu turuti langkah-langkah setan. Sesungguhnya setan itu musuh yang nyata bagimu. Tetapi, jika kamu menyimpang (dari jalan Allah) sesudah datang kepadamu bukti-bukti kebenaran, maka ketahuilah bahwa Allah Maha Perkasa dan Maha Bijaksana.” 
(Al Baqarah: 208-209)

and i reflect, have i been in islam thoroughly? i wanna be orang beriman, i wanna be orang bertakwa, i wanna enter the Jannah too and i dun wanna be the person who holds islam in their id and just pray. yes, pray is one part of it. one part. there are still other parts that we need to cover to become orang beriman, bertakwa and may Allah rahmati kita to be in his Jannah. ameen.

we want to be in His eternal garden, for we know the world we’re living here is just for a few more years, wallahualam. avoiding His fire is our aim, right? so we avoid following the not-yet-muslims lifestyle’s. okay. but by being a biasa-biasa person, where is our goal? if being biasa-biasa are not righteous to be in His Jannah, then where is our eternal home? not fully devoted to Him, not deny Him, yelah jadi orang biasa kan? lalu?

and i tell you, it’s impossible to put one foot in the Jannah and the other foot in the Hell fire you know.

and for me the translation is better. cuba fikir mana boleh nak letak sebelah kaki kat syurga sebelah kaki kat neraka kalau kita tak pilih untuk jadi salah satu. pilihlah mana destinasi akhir kita. takkan nak tergantung-gantung tengah tu bila kita pilih nak jadi baisa-biasa saja? destinasi ada dua saja.

i’m reminding myself too… these reminders are for jari2 yang menaip ni jugak Y.Y i want to be more than orang biasa. inshaAllah..

our two purposes of  life:

2:30 – And [mention, O Muhammad], when your Lord said to the angels, “Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority.” They said, “Will You place upon it one who causes corruption therein and sheds blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctify You?” Allah said, “Indeed, I know that which you do not know.”

51: 56 – And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

and yes, as a muslim, my new year has passed. the kitab amalan pun dah renewed on the last nisfu syaaban. takkan hari tu je nak gi masjid, nak baca yasin.. takkan nak muka surat pertama je lawa, yg belakang takpe la conteng hitam-hitam? sigh.

and i felt sorrow for one thing. living in not-so-urban place, i felt being left out by the events. haha. in the city they had

Hari ini Di Ambang TAHUN BARU 2012. Pelbagai aktiviti menarik yg berfaedah disediakan untuk anda. Antaranya ialah :

(1) XPDC Dakwah Gabungan Mahasiswa Islam Se-Malaysia (GAMIS), (di Masjid Jamek Bandaraya KL)
(2) Himpunan 1000 Jiwa 1 Hati (Masjid Negara / Dewan Jawi)
(3) Soal Jawab Agama Ustaz Azhar Idrus ( Original ) (Dataran Kemerdekaan Shah Alam)
(4) Program Indahnya Islam, (di Masjid As-Syakirin KLCC)
(5) Bicara As-Salam di Masjid As-Salam Puchong
Pilih yang mana satu menjadi idaman untuk aktiviti “Countdown” anda.

maybe i missed this kind of events in my place due to less adv, and maybe others too. making them escaped to their version new year ‘celebration’. and i, cuddled right before the notebook, listened to a talk, and pray to recover. it was raining heavily outside, even the fireworks would be shy to shine.

-berniqab?

-menutup aurat sepenuhnya?

-melabuhkan tudung menutupi dada mereka?

-mengenakan pakaian longgar dan besar?

-malu untuk keluar bersama bukan mahram?

-pakai stoking kaki ke mana-mana walau mandi bersama kawan-kawan di laut?

-pakai stoking tangan walau dah mengenakan t-shirt lengan panjang?

-meninggalkan orang yang sdg gosip dan mengata orang lain walaupun yang sedang mengata itu kawan baiknya?

-tidak mengenakan mekap berlebihan?

-tidak memakai perfume kecuali sekadar sangat sedikit dan tidak terhidu orang lain?

-tak ‘couple’ sebelum nikah?

-tak materialistik dan memilih kehidupan untuk taat kepada agama?

Ganjil?

Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w: Islam bermula sebagai sesuatu yang dianggap asing & ganjil & ia akan kembali sebagaimana permulaannya, dianggap asing & ganjil. Maka, beruntunglah orang-orang yang ganjil. (H.R. Muslim)

so i tried doing so last night.
but hey, suddenly i made a conclusion.

what’s so uncool about having your hair ‘up’? being busy like a bee.. fly here. run there. drive for hours. sleepless nights. having only Allah as the true reliable companion.

perhaps its time to get your hair up. electrify your weak and lazy soul!”

-devonshire rose, 2011-

i’m in love

sejak kecil keluarga amat penting bagi aku. jangan sape2 buat ape2 dekat keluarga aku. semuanya untuk keluarga, untuk mama abah kya wan la. belajar sungguh-sungguh sebab mama abah percaya pada aku, sebab mama abah dah kerja penat-penat, bagi duit bagi sekolah bagi pendidikan agama. dapat 5a upsr untuk mama abah jugak, sebab kya dah banggakan mama abah lalu aku ter-inspired, dan mahu adik-adik berjaya juga. dapat 9a, untuk mama abah jugak, dah banyak mama abah berusaha, bagi macam macam. kemudian spm, tp tak dapat semua a, 9a saja. sungguh down di sini, kesian mama abah doa, berkorban, menurut keinginan tapi tak balas pun. dan alhamdulillah dapat sambung tesl, macam mama abah nak, twinning program pulak tu. masa foundation, result bagus jugak la, dan abah mama suka. aku pun suka, bukan sebab result bagus, hanya sebab abah mama suka. itu saja. period. result bagus pressure sebenarnya sebab nak jaga hati jangan riak, nak jaga result supaya maintain, seksa. tapi, bila parents suka, bahagia tak terkata. kemudian sambung belajar kat luar negara, macam mama abah selalu sebut-sebut dari kecik, dari aku umur lapan tahun. sebenarnya umur lapan tahun dulu nak pergi australia, entah kenapa tak bercita-cita gi uk. huhu. lalu tercampak ke new zealand. berangkat dengan pegangan i won’t leave my family for anything in this world, never.

di new zealand, bercinta dengan tarbiyah. tersedar. nak bahagiakan mama abah di dunia aje ke? nak gelak ketawa dengan kya wan la dekat dunia saja ke?  aku berazam mahu pimpin tangan mama abah kya wan la masuk syurga paling tinggi ya Allah, ya Rahman ya Rahim. aku nak gembirakan mereka bukan di dunia saja malah di akhirat juga. bukankah telah memahat di dada i won’t leave my family, i’ll try to be with them together in Jannah.

dunia ini hanya sementara, akhirat itu yang infinity, yang eternal.

maybe i should stop.